22 Worst Case Scenarios for This Thanksgiving
With this being the week of Thanksgiving, it’s time to prep for the family infused festivities to come. Awkward conversations with people you see only once a year, gluttonous appetites, unwanted drama spill outs, and the inevitable food coma you will be sent into once the chewing has all ceased. With all this and so many other un-pleasantries coming your way, what are some things one can prepare for? The truth is, you can’t prepare for family. It is what it is, and they are who they are, and you are who you are. You can keep your mouth as stuffed as you want to avoid talking but at any given point, you inevitably will be approached with any of the following situations.
When they happen, (and they most likely will because hey, it’s Thanksgiving) what will you do about it? You can sit back and watch the annual show of your family’s fireworks flying or you can pretend you just aren’t there. Field testing shows either approach works on this holiday. Here is a list of inevitable happenings coming your way today. By being aware of what’s approaching, you can properly prepare and have some responses in your back pocket for when the time comes. Feel free to print this article out and make a kind of sad bingo card. If you can leave a box unmarked, then consider yourself one of the lucky ones. And if/when these scenarios occur, lighten up!
It’s only Thanksgiving.
1. “Look how tall you are getting!” –Relative you see socially only when another family member
dies and/or Thanksgiving.
2. A dreaded long commute to a location in which you will count the seconds before you can leave.
3. “So, when are you getting married?” –Aunt who asks you that every time you are within 7 feet
4. The annual unzipping of your Uncle’s pants after dinner to watch the NFL game.
5. The annual unzipping of your Uncle’s pants BEFORE dinner and before the NFL game.
6. The relative who brings a plus one to the event who looks so out of place you can’t help but
want to put her out of her misery, but still looks more comfortable than you.
7. The aunt who begs the men to change the channel so that the Macy’s parade can be viewed
instead. (She is ignored).
8. Your gratitude on this day is reserved for the gift from the heavens above that are smartphones
to scroll through (Or pretend to scroll through) while waiting for the food to be ready.
9. The one cousin who says nothing to anyone, nor responds to any questions in sentences longer
than one word.
10. The one aunt who is so “In-the-Zone” while in the kitchen that she kicks out your other aunt for being in the way. The drama begins.
11. Pretending to like turkey more than you really do because you feel that is what you are supposed to do.
12. The awkward circle you all form and go around one by one listing what you are thankful for.
13. Scrambling to think of something to be thankful for because your sister said what you were
going to be vocally thankful for.
14. Observing a fight over the only two drumsticks. (Your silent cousin gets one by default due to his uber-protective mother).
15. Your cousin from college out of state makes an appearance after several Thanksgiving absences and announces that she is vegan.
16. Your Uncles make relentless fun of her for being a vegan. She debates how many thanksgivings she will have to miss after this one to live this event down.
17. Your other distant cousin who has somehow become extremely attractive after their two years
studying abroad sits across from you during dinner. You begin to try and convince yourself that
it wouldn’t be that weird if you two hit it off. (It would be, by the way.)
18. Your mother who insists you tell that story about that time you lost your swim shorts at the lake that one time when you were seven, like how you tell it every year.
19. The drunk Uncle (pants still unzipped) spills on himself and doesn’t realize on it.
20. Your other aunt makes a passive aggressive comment to your zealous chef aunt and an
argument ensues. (Other relatives present avoid eye contact like they will turn to stone if their
21. Your own father steps in and quells the argument. (He doesn’t want to be here either).
22. Dessert is served and you know you’re horrible cook of a cousin made one of the dishes, but you don’t know which.