4:11am in Los Angeles

"I've got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me, I bring them to the light for you. It's only right this the sound track to my life." -Kid Cudi

We all wake up everyday and put on make up. Make up to cover the emotions and burdens of the world. It's all relative from the poorest of the poor, to the richest of the rich. As men, were told verbally, and through images, to be strong and somewhat emotionless. Besides, nobody wants to be around an emotional wreck everyday. At least that's what we think. So we go on covering our true feelings with alcohol, weed, pills, cigarettes, social media, fake conversation, random jobs, sex, sports, movies, parties, relationships money etc.

 Some of us just want to numb it all. 

The glass ceilings, above us, make life a lot more challenging, because we are stamped with high (4:20 am) expectations. Just taking care of yourself mentally and physically can be enough. We live in a fantasy world where these illusions become our reality. Looking back at my life, I find myself, by myself, crying and laughing. Can't remember the last time I had a shoulder to cry on until recently.  Even then my mind was telling me to stop crying. I was shy as shit. My emotions took over and I couldn't stop. Maybe it was because of all that make up. I prefer girls with very little, to no make up at all (side note).

However, were all destined for greatness. I think... Actually, I know God has me here for a reason. Why? Well, I'm sitting, in the comforts of my home, with a golfball sized blister (second degree burn) from a Mo√ęt commercial. Luckily I'm still alive.

 I also think about my insecurities and how I am perceived by others. Apart of me doesn't give a fuck and another part cares tremendously. 

What's the difference between one dollar bill and a 100 dollar bill? Hmmm...maybe the value we give it. It's mind boggling to think that us humans kill over something so valueless. Do we start to lose our higher consciousness as soon as we're conceived and enter planet earth?

I'm sure I know nothing. I'm also sure I'm not from here (meaning this planet). I also know I'm extremely blessed. In my opinion, life is one big contradiction. Does any of this shit really matter? How can we help the suffering of mankind and our planet? Maybe this is the way it's suppose to be and everything is in perfect order.

Our whole life is a sacrifice of some sort. I was having a conversation with a friend and she was verbally abused at her job. She has been holding that grudge against that individual every since the incident. We expressed how giving her the cold shoulder, during an 8 hour shift, was energy draining itself.

I started talking about the power of forgiveness and how powerful it is to forgive. In all honesty, this can be one of the most challenging things to do when someone has mentally or physically hurt you. That's when I bring up the story of Jesus. That one part of the story always stuck with me. Jesus (aka Joseph) was being crucified and in the midst of his hands and feet being nailed to the cross, He says "forgive them father for they know not what they do." This has always been a powerful reminder.

In the face of hatred/violence, you ask forgiveness on those who know not what they do. People are loving and people become evil. The goal is to be the light and shine your light in the dark.

I'm aware of worldly issues that involve hate & power. These things have been going on since the beginning of mankind. I don't think we're perfect, but we come here to learn. If perfection is reached we die. Change? How do we change? I think it starts with forgiveness. That doesn't mean forget. We're not of this world, there is a higher power watching. LOVE.

As my recently deceased Great Grand mother would tell me ("Rhyme"or "Goose" those were the nick names she gave me). "Treat others how you want to be treated." Thank you Darlin Weez

I'm channeling you all the way home.

5:28 a.m.

Ryan Winston